Give up dreaming? Who wants that?
You should. And You NEED to.
Sometimes the better choice is to stop seeking, and choose what's right in front of you.
In our quest to seek the unknown, being free to do whatever we want and feeling the excitement of leaving it all behind, there are times in our lives where we need to stop this mentality and commit further into our personal reality and STOP dreaming.
Read through these 4 times in your life you SHOULD give up dreaming...not for something worse...but for something better.
1) After Highschool
Now don't blast me for this one...I know lots of people leave highschool not knowing what they want and certaintly aren't interested in joining the rat race. But I do have some experience in this area...
My partner took to wanderlusting right out of highschool back in the early 90's when he moved to Banff.
And back then, he was still able to pair it with work and then
into graduate school in his 30's. Later 30's.
If you live in Banff, you know that there's a special species of older ski masters who moved out there in their 20's and never looked back...
spending every day on the mountain and every night on the town.
Until you're 50, with no family, no education and NOW spending your nights bagging groceries or waitressing to keep the money flowing in the off-season.
But to be honest...times have changed even since then.
School tuition, housing costs, mortgage rates and admission rates have all gone up.
Unless you're the 1% that becomes an Instagram Superstar or Self-taught Photographer ($5000 camera of course), after wanderlusting for a few years you're going to end up in your parent's basement.
Not wanderlusting, not making any money and spending your late 20's and 30's wondering how to make enough money to survive while all of your other friends start seeing the world.
After highschool is a time to do MORE SCHOOL/OR WORK and a little wanderlusting, a little personal growth and a lot of planning your future and what you want and how you're gonna get there.
Life hasn't even begun to get tough after highschool, so take the advantages you have (no insurance, no taxes, no responsiblities, no debt) and leverage the heck out of this special time when you've got the world by the ass! Use it by doing a little of everything...not JUST WANDERLUSTING.
2) When Loved Ones are in TROUBLE
Seems like common sense...but as society moves away from face-to-face interactions, congregating as like-minded groups and supporting each other in tangible ways (not just emojis)...
Social, emotional and mental health issues are being undersupported by friends and family.
When a good friend needs help, it make feel like they're ruining your experience and opportunity to do what you need to do...
But taking the time to exist in the problem with them,
experience their challenges and barriers and help them overcome them together....this is worth more than wanderlusting.
Seeing a new vista, challenging your body with new heights or spending a romantic night under the stars in a cabana in Thailand
will not compare to the lifelong memory and experience of being there when a friend needs you.
The richness of being your best self is a delicacy that is only offered to us at certain times in your life, and to bypass it for sake of your urge to seek is a mistake.
Being a good friend is one of the best adventures of a lifetime...
3) You've had your FIRST child
This is important for dads, but oh so important for new moms who may have been living their dreams and reaching for more-before they became pregnant.
Other mom's are free to disagree with me...but only them.
After you've delivered your first baby,
one of your biggest instincts is to return to the person you were
before your child was born.
To reclaim your body and spirit...
Before all the love fills in and before you really start to connect with the baby,
you will feel a desire to connect with your old self.
It's survival and its fear all in one...
But especially for your first child and for the first 3 months, you can't do it.
Why? Because you can't.
It's that black and white.
Life is forever changed...
and our attempts to go back will only bring you and your baby distress.
Don't worry if you try...we all do.
But we all quickly realize wanderlusting will have to be done a different way... (unless you have 2 nannies & ALOT of money...like private plane money) ;)
This is the time when the wanderlusting must be directed to your new adventure: building a new life.
It will be the most difficult adventure you've ever done...
so try not to spend too much time trying to go back to an easier way...
it can't be done (at least within the first 3 months).
Why do I keep saying the first 3 months? Because, for alot of babies and moms/dads,
the 3 month mark brings a new hope of more sleep,
better feeding and less fear of killing your child. Seriously.
You can start to venture out to restaurants and patios as breastfeeding or bottle feeding starts to become routine,
the short hike to the lake is doable and
a small vacation to Florida feels like a dream.
Your body starts to feel stronger, you feel more confident having some fun and
start relying on others to hold 'your precious' little one.
What if you decide to return to your old wanderlusting before 3 months?
Well, I've seen it before in a couple of friends...and well it ended in significant physical and mental health risks for baby and mom.
Too soon, too dramatic and too fruitless..
This new adventure trumps all....and if you don't respect it and give it your due diligence,
it will bulldoze you and everything you thought you were.
Adventure with your new little one...
...small steps...small gains...you'll move forward to a 'new normal'.
With great appreciation and gratitute for the opportunity.
4) You've Fallen in Love...
Woah....hold your horses. I know...I'm calling your decision to take your new love to Patagonia on a month long trip after knowing them for 2 months BAD!
It is. Sorry
Our greatest desire at the beginning of passionate connection is to 'go-away' with them.
Well...don't pick the trip you've been saving up a year for...
Think about it.
Test out the stresses and travel in small doses and see how they manage...
"Screw that!" you say?
What's the worse that can happen with taking them to Patagonia?
Well, the worst would actually be if you had a blast...fell even more in love and then found out a month later they were acting
the entire time to 'keep up' and had no interest in doing it again.
Travel brings out the best and the worst...but also releases a huge amount of endorphines and love-building chemicals...
think the 'Bachelor' adventures.
Why do they have them hang off the side of the building?
To create endorphins so that they couple can fall in love...
wow...manipulation at its best. But this is what you are doing to yourself!
So if you are really interested in someone you just met and
have an upcoming trip, don't invite them.
See if they wait for you...if not, good riddance.
If they do, plan a short trip soon after and build together after that.
Ahhhhh l'amore 💖